Not “sober”, YAY!


  1. not affected by alcohol 
  1. serious, sensible, and solemn. 
  1. subdued in tone or color; showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy or emotion 

One of the questions that people like to ask me is how long I’ve been sober. I have a couple of go-to responses depending on how they ask. But when they ask with a genuine curiousity I am always a little too excited to announce; 

“Oh, no, I’m not sober!” (I say with a little extra emphasis on the sooooberrrrr part.) 
With a shocked look I then get, “What?! Wait.. So it’s all been a lie? Just some marketing tactic? You mean you still drink? Did you relapse? What happened?!” 

Hmm well… no to all of the above. That’s not what I said. But based on the definitions above – I’m still not sober even if I do not drink

I lump “sober” in there with terms like “alcoholic”. They are just not helpful on my journey to self, and they especially aren’t helpful to anyone choosing to act courageously enough to decline the poisonous substance alcohol! 

And here is why I don’t identify as “sober”. Refer to the above definition and let me explain a little further.  
1. Not affected by alcohol 
Well, the truth is, I am deeply affected by alcohol. I am very aware of what it does to me. Of the impact it has on my health, my relationships, children, society, and so much more. Even if I no longer drink alcohol, I can’t say it does not affect me, and cause me (sometimes intense) pain and suffering. In fact, I feel deeply for those that are still living in the alcohol matrix and blinded by its illusion. But it also affects me in amazing ways that are profound and beautiful. It affects me each day that I’m able to work with others and help them find their own freedom from it.  And it gives me great joy to hopefully prevent others from ever being affected by it in the ways that I was. 
2. Serious, sensible, and solemn 
BAHAHA, well if you know me in person you probably would not use serious, solemn, or sensible to describe me. Oh no. Not me. Not anymore. Not when I am no longer drinking, I had my moments of alcohol induced depression, but I rarely feel any of those things anymore. I mean I can be serious when the occasion calls for it, but most of the time – it’s just not necessary. I am, however, curious, light-hearted, hungry for knowledge, excited for what is ahead – I am all of those things. But this beautiful and alcohol-free life is so much more than serious, sensible, and solemn. 
3. Subdued in tone or color; showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy or emotion 

Are you kidding me? Subdued in tone or color? Showing no excessive emotions? 
That is a definition of SOBER?? Because I’m pretty sure that just described what my life was like when I WAS drinking! Sad, but SO TRUE! Someone I was talking to recently compared life while drinking to life after finding freedom from alcohol to that scene in the Wizard of Oz where everything goes from black and white to color. And all I can say is F**K YES!! That is EXACTLY what flipping that switch is like. My life now is more vibrant to say the least.
No longer is everything muted, numbed and overwhelmed by booze soaked everything. Now I get to see, feel, taste, touch and experience everything that I was doing before with more zest, more time and more remembering …ANND I get to experience way MORE because I am clear, never hungover and have so much more energy.  
I might not be “sober”, but I am definitely living awake, alive, engaged, amazed, awestruck, grateful, and a plethora of other feelings and emotions. 

Letting go of the perceptions that the mass majority of humans have, that you need to drink alcohol to have fun, allows you to open up to the possibilities of choosing to be alcohol free and never having to be “sober”.  
So, what are you? Or better yet, what do you WANT to be?? 

So much love for you here,
Ruby xx

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