Today is a year since my beautiful baby cousin died.
She will forever be 31.
Her name was Tia Alexandra and she left this world way too soon.
When we were little kids we were inseparable. Like sisters. We would have sleepovers at my Gramma’s house and were always outside playing in the dirt/snow/hay. We had so many amazing adventures together and my only regret is that I didn’t get to hug you one last time. I was struggling with my own issues and I just think, what if I listened better, what if I was more present when we spoke those last few times. What could I have done differently. Better. I’m sorry.
One of my favourite memories is when we would swim. We loved to swim. Every trip we ever went on we always spent more time in the water then out. We especially loved it when it was windy and huge waves would come into the shore and we would be there with our little boogie boards ready to catch every wave. We spent hours being bombarded by those waves and always getting up and waiting for the next one.
It’s a real tragedy that she is gone, the world lost a huge heart and beautiful soul.
But what her life has shown me is more powerful then I would have ever known.
She is my angel. She is the person that saved my life by losing her own. She is the person that affected me more than almost any other, by showing me that life can be very unforgiving. And death swift and relentless.
Saying goodbye hasn’t been easy. This year has been a rollercoaster of deep emotion. But the real truth of what I learned from her untimely passing is that we all have choices. And that I can only make my own. And there is no better time to make different choices than right now.
Beautiful cousin of mine, you have instilled your mission to freedom upon my heart. May you live free within me and continue to be a shining light in the darkness for all those that need it. You taught me a lesson that no one else could. Together we will help so many to find freedom from their demons. To fight for the life they have and to learn how to live happy and with forgiveness. It is because of your story that I am here. It is because of you that I buckled down and changed my life forever. It is because of you that I have become a coach to help the people that are struggling to find freedom from the behaviours that haunt them.
I will miss you forever but know I always carry a piece of you in my heart.
I put down the bottle because I was pregnant. My daughter is the reason I found a clear head and sober mind in the first place.
But losing my cousin, my sister, my friend — that is what truly made the shift in my heart stick. This experience IS the reason why I am here offering to serve the world my message with the hopes that I can help you find lasting freedom too.
Life is worth it. It is worth fighting for the best version of it. It is worth waking up every single day and DECIDING to be the best version you can be that day. That moment. Every moment. Every moment is a new opportunity to make that choice, over and over again.
Just like the waves crashing against us at the beach. We could have chosen to go inside. We could have chosen to let the waves win, but it was a game. When a wave took us under we always came back up. Got ready and let the next one hit. We were able to find the joy in the cold. Make the most of the wind. Embrace the waves.
It was not easy for me to write this post or decide to share this message with the world. But I don’t know that I would have continued making the choice to be free if it wasn’t for tragedy making me look deep into who I am and who I want be. I have a message that I know can help people. People like me. People like Tia. I feel an obligation to share this message with the world. I am here to serve to the highest level.
May all beings be free.
In loving memory of the beautiful and kind,
Tia Alexandra Fleming, March 5, 1989 – November 1, 2020
Forever in our hearts.